Listening v. Therapy

This is something I wrote in response to a friend's note in which I felt he viewed therapy as "lesser than". He wrote about the basic notion that we have replaced genuine friendships with the need to "pay people to listen to us". I used to think the same thing, a la "sororities are where you buy your friends". Well, I no longer think sororities are where you buy you friends, and I no longer think therapy is where you pay people to listen.

Here's why:
(comments in bold are added in for your understanding)

I actually think I disagree with my sister. (Sorry sister!) My sister has written that therapy is the same as listening. I would argue that therapy is MORE than listening. Therapists learn about their patients via listening, but it is what they are listening for that makes all the difference.

When I talk to a friend, they are listening with the goal of understanding and loving me where I am. And to be sure, my friends can testify to me needing and using them in this area.

But when I talk to my therapist, she is listening to hear faulty thought patterns and to call me out on double standards and idiosyncrasies in what I say. She is using her training to better asses the lies I may tell myself about who I am. A friend, no matter how pure their intentions, cannot do this--they lack the knowledge to effectively do so.

Now to address the HS Holy Spirit argument...as I was writing that therapy was the "only" answer, I foresaw your response. And I agree with you that we need to listen to God first above all else. But I can only repeat what my sister said in different words: when the world has lied to you for so long, it is hard to distinguish which voice is true. You WANT to believe something (you are loved, accepted, etc.) but if there is no physical affirmation of that truth, it is very very hard to believe. In my experience, you don't really BELIEVE something until you experience it and feel it's true. Now, we can get into an argument about how God is more than a feeling, but that is a tangent, and I am discussing practical application and how things have worked for me in the past.

Truth comes from many sources. I believe God intended for us to form our opinions of ourselves and our identities in light of His truth expressed through our parents. They affirm that we are loved, accepted etc. But what if they don't? I was taught in church not to find affirmation from the opinions of friends and men. In lou of love from parents, where do I go?

You say God. I say easier said than done.

I am not discounting the HS, I am saying that sometimes as a substitute for not being raised in truth, we need to PAY someone to address specific lies we have been told and tell ourselves.

Also, I would not go to a therapist that was not a Christian. That perhaps IS paid listening. I wouldn't know.

But there, that is my testimonial. My therapist has taught me things I believe no one else could have. (Except maybe another therapist.) She has affirmed things in me God has been telling me all along, things I have been too scared to believe are true because they were far to wonderful for me to accept. She has also introduced me to NEW ideas and NEW ways of thinking that I could never have come up with on my own. And while these "new" things may be addressed in the bible, I always assumed I wasn't worth it, they were for someone else. I needed an educated human head to tell me God's promises are true and real for me too.

That said, I think the intention of your note got a little misconstrued by my original response, and I apologize. Listening is good, empathy is good. You are right we need more people who care and we should not have to PAY people just to LISTEN to us. That is what the body of Christ is for. I just felt there needed to be a distinction made between "listening" and "therapy". And now I have made it.

Fin :)

So what are your thoughts?