Move On

I told my sister not to talk to me about our parents anymore. I have spent too much time trying to figure them out and fix it. And it's held me back. I have felt selfish for not trying to help my mom and I have felt like if I can please my dad it will mean I have finally "arrived." (Pause, I would just like to give a shout out to Millie Lein for all of her punctuation help and tips, without her, I would not have punctuated that last sentence correctly.)

But picture a race. I am running the race of life, and my mom is behind me. If I keep going back for her, I will never run my own race. My mom might be dehydrated, wearing the wrong shoes, etc, but I can't focus on her. I have to look out for rocks and trees I might run into. I have to take care of myself. This might be selfish, but I have to run my own race, and there will be other people to care for her...like those guys on the side who manage marathons and pass out Gatorade. And my dad is like the dangling carrot in front of the horse--I will keep running and never get any closer to my unachievable goal. And if I turn the wrong direction, down the wrong path (I am picturing this carrot somehow attached to me, go with it) I will head down that path and run a distracted detour, still striving for an unachievable goal.

But I will not be held back anymore. I have to trust God with my mom and be a healthy person for her to interact with...the most help I can be to her is to be a healthy person myself. The same with my dad. I give up, and I am running my own race. I will not go back and I will not be distracted. When their paths intersect mine, I will not *run* the other way, but neither will I pause. I have been mentally blocked by this for too long.

It's time to move on.

In other news, I graduated Friday morn. I feel like I look like Miss America in this picture. Zot zot!